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Weekly roundup — Week 4

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Caleb Welcome back to the Bronco Buddies Fantasy League Podcast, where the trash talk is fresh and the Tight End Towers are still standing. I'm CAL Boy, and sitting next to me, pretending she didn't set her lineup in the car, is my wife Amy, repping Juwan Way or Another.

Amy Hi, everybody. I set that lineup in the car at a red light, and I'm still not sure I was sober. Anyway, Caleb and Brian went to war this week, and Brian, you looked like a man who forgot tight ends were a position.

Caleb Let's get to the match of the week. Juwan Way or Another went up against Uno, Jets y Los Vecinos, and Juwan walked away with it, 99.38 to 96.82. Uno was winning for most of the night, so they should be furious with themselves.

Amy Chuba Hubbard ran like he owed somebody money and I was the bank. Malik Nabers fought hard for Uno, but he was carrying a whole manager's ego on his back, and that's a heavy load for anybody.

Caleb Those two were the difference. Now the scoreboard. The 69 percenters walked into my house and got handled by the Tight End Towers, 127.62 to 120.28.

Brian Handled? You beat me by seven points, Caleb. That's not a beatdown, that's a microwave.

Caleb Seven points is seven points, Brian. Tight ends are my whole personality, and this week that personality earned me a win and a cold beer on your dime.

Brian You know it's tough when you lose to your own tight ends. But I'm still alive in the Survivor Pool, right?

Caleb You're alive, Brian, the way a guy in a hospital bed is alive. Eight managers are still breathing in the Survivor Pool: Amy, Blake, Brian, me, Mark, Matt, Ryan, and Sean. Ben got knocked out last week, and he says he went down swinging. Nobody in the group chat believes him.

Amy All eight of us are still in it, which means the pool is still ugly and full of desperate people. Caleb, I hear you picked up Antonio Williams this week.

Caleb I did. I cut Chris Rodriguez Jr. to make room, and I'm hoping Williams turns into the kind of player who makes me forget I ever owned Chris. Right now he's just hoping he doesn't ghost me like a bad Tinder date.

Amy I dropped Ricky Pearsall for Michael Mayer. Pearsall didn't do anything to me. I just wanted a tight end, and I'm allowed to be fickle, Caleb. That's the whole fantasy experience.

Caleb Now let's lighten the mood with some dad jokes, which is what I am to a league that hates me. Why did the football team go to the bank?

Brian I don't know. Why?

Caleb Because their quarterback had been sold to cover the offensive coordinator's gambling debt. They needed to get him back.

Amy Oh, that one's filthy. Here's another. Why do football players make great musicians?

Caleb I give up.

Amy Because they know how to handle a pitch. Yes, I know that's about music. Nobody asked for my clean material.

Brian That was pretty lame, Amy.

Caleb Alright, alright. Let's wrap up with prizes. The season pool sits at $2100, with $1240 going to first and $200 to second. I'm also leading the season race for most points, so start buying me drinks now.

Amy And the first player arrest prize is still pending. Let's hope nobody on our rosters makes the news for the wrong reasons this week. I've already earmarked Caleb's bail money, so the rest of you are on your own.

Caleb Thanks for tuning in, degenerates. We'll catch you next week for more fantasy football fun.

Amy See you all next time. And to the 69 percenters, get your shit together.

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Week 4: The Meat Sweats Are Real

Another Sunday has come and gone, and the Bronco Buddies emerged from the chaos with some absolutely wild storylines. We had a showdown that came down to the wire, a manager who apparently thinks the waiver wire is a speed-dating app, and enough points from Tetairoa McMillan to make everyone question their draft strategy. Oh, and per commissioner request: Why did the fantasy football player bring a ladder to the game? Because he wanted to reach the high score! Ba dum tss. You asked for dad jokes, you got ‘em.

Match of the Week: vs.

This one had all the drama of an Ace of Base comeback tour—unexpectedly thrilling and leaving someone deeply disappointed. Amy Ruth’s edged out Brad Kano’s 99.38 to 96.82 in a defensive slugfest that somehow both teams survived.

Chuba Hubbard was the difference-maker for Amy, racking up 25.9 points and single-handedly outscoring multiple starters on both rosters. Meanwhile, Brad’s squad got a solid 23.2 from Malik Nabers, but Ja’Marr Chase’s 5.7-point outing was about as inspiring as Gigli’s box office returns.

The 2.56-point margin means Brad’s “good vibes only™” energy officially has limits. His trade offers may be completely reasonable and his intentions pure, but this loss? That’s just pain. Vamos… to the L column.

Standings Shakeup

Matt McLochlin’s absolutely devoured the competition this week, posting a league-high 173.4 points that should probably require a health warning. Tetairoa McMillan went nuclear with 45.2 points—the kind of performance that makes you wonder if he’s actually three receivers in a trenchcoat. Ben Starrett’s got served up as an appetizer (88.1 points), making this one the most lopsided matchup of the week.

Elsewhere, (152.12) handled BC’s (140.46) in a battle that proves Mark Hockett’s entire personality really is defined by fantasy football—and honestly, it’s working. Meanwhile, (144.98) took a bite out of Mountain Man (129.42), and (116.68) kept Pickle’s Gibbs me Moore squad grounded at 95.08. Cal’s (127.62) also handled (120.28), with Nico Collins dropping 30.8 points to prove that loving tight ends and receivers is perfectly acceptable.

The Waiver Wire Speed Run Award

A special shoutout to , who apparently treated the transaction log like a Limp Bizkit setlist—fast, furious, and occasionally confusing. Tyreek Hill, Marcus Mariota, AJ Barner, George Holani… the man added and dropped players so fast the ESPN servers are still recovering. Mark, buddy, you doing okay over there?

💰 Prize Tracker

Weekly High Score ($24.29): Matt McLochlin’s 173.4 points locked this one up. Combined with his Ricky Williams prize, Matt’s having himself a week.

Ricky Williams Award ($12.15): Tetairoa McMillan’s 45.2-point explosion means Matt McLochlin takes home another weekly prize. The is eating good.

Season Pool Updates: - Weekly High Score Leaders: cal arnold (weeks 1-3), Brad Kano (week 1 split), and now Matt McLochlin (week 4) - Ricky Williams Leaders: Brad Kano (week 1), cal arnold (week 2), Dylan (week 3), Matt McLochlin (week 4) - Season Points Leader: cal arnold leads cumulative points (605.4)—the foundation remains strong

Survivor Pool ($50): Ben Starrett has been eliminated after his 88.1-point showing. The fallen: brett clayton (week 1), Dylan (week 2), Brad Kano (week 3), and now Ben (week 4). Still alive: Amy Ruth, Blake Manard, Brian Hunt, Cal Arnold, Mark Hockett, Matt McLochlin, Ryan Anderson, and Sean Sadler. Eight remain. The floor is lava.

Still in Play: First place ($1,240), second place ($200), most regular-season points ($50), and first player arrest ($50) all await their moment.

Until next Sunday, may your starters stay healthy and your benched players not go off for 40. And remember: What’s a fantasy football player’s favorite type of music? Heavy medal.

…I’ll see myself out.